Grand Reopening of the Pizzatorium in New York!

My muse sleeps soundly in a corner of the kennel, resting after another challenging January of classes at Meadville Lombard Theological School. In the meantime, my life flies like pizza dough, stretching, awaiting an unknown assortment of toppings. After 42 years in Pittsburgh, I moved to New York City this week. I am now living in a first floor apartment in Forest Hills, just a few blocks from the 71st Street subway station and access to all this metropolis has to offer. After taking my son to Penn Station for the return train ride home, I walked up to Times Square. I stood in the center traffic island, along with the throng of tourists, gawking at the sight.

Throughout the week, I walked and explored the neighborhood. I am a five minute walk from groceries and hardware; laundry and pharmacy; bank, bagels, and Barnes and Noble; and any number of restaurants. Today, I found half a mile south on Metropolitan Avenue: a comics/collectibles store (run by a Pittsburgh Steelers fan!), a German restaurant, and an Irish pub.

And my apartment is small enough to force me to venture out often. I have all of the necessities of life — books, music, my World War I posters on the walls, computer, and a bed. Sadly, I actually must begin working in another week. In the meantime, I was invited to the Metro NY LREDA winter retreat, which will provide a chance to catch up with some old friends and meet new colleagues. The retreat takes place in Murray Grove, the historic Universalist landmark of Thomas Potter and John Murray. What an awesome way to begin my internship – by touching base with this significant heritage of our movement.

So, my dough lies waiting. I can only imagine what inspiring condiments life has in store.

A Story of Heresy

During the last session of my Oral Traditions class here at Meadville Lombard Theological School this week, we ended with a storytelling festival. I thought about what story I wanted to tell, and came back to the story that is central to who I am as a Unitarian Universalist, an aspiring minister, and as a person.

You see, for me, the history of Unitarian Universalism centers on heresy. I take the meaning of heresy literally from the Greek hairesis, to choose. From Arius and Origen in ancient times, to Servetus and the Polish Brethren in the Middle Ages, to Theodore Parker and the Humanist Manifesto to modern times, our religion has been about free choice, and the free practice of religion. That story for me is best told by a fairy tale.

Once upon a time years ago, lived a young man named Henry. Henry was not a king or a prince; he wasn’t a famous soldier or a general. He was a simple man just like everybody else. He dreamed dreams like other people. He studied hard in school like other people. He grew up and began working like other people. And, he lived by a code of ethics that influenced the choices he made throughout his life.

For instance, when Henry’s parents fell on hard times, he gave up some of his goals and used all the money he had saved to secure a home for them. When Henry married, he and his wife worked for years building their own home. As his children grew, Henry scrimped and saved all of the money he could, so that they would have a chance at a better life. Henry worked for 50 years and retired. After 50 years of marriage, his wife died. Henry died peacefully a few years later. And, his children and grandchildren continue to live happily ever after.

I know Henry’s story does not make a very glamorous fairy tale. I see no Pixar productions of Henry’s life anytime in the future. There are no mythical creatures, enchanted frogs, or genies who grant wishes. No talking animals populate the narrative, and nothing happens by magic. This fairy tale contains only the choices made throughout a lifetime and the consequences of those choices. Probably every one of you here today knows a Henry, or can identify yourselves in many ways with my father. Much of his story occurs in many typical lives.

My father’s parents immigrated to America from Eastern Europe around the turn of the 20th century. My grandfather was skilled in construction using timber – not a promising vocation for a nation of steel and skyscrapers. But, he chose to come to America to find a better life. My grandmother was excommunicated by the Catholic Church for divorcing her abusive husband. She chose to come to America to live free of dogma and oppression. They met and married here, raised four children, and struggled through the Great War, the Great Depression, and another great war.

When my father returned home from the Pacific in 1945, he could have joined the thousands of servicemen entering college. Instead, he chose to invest his life savings buying his parents a farm. He then took a job as a draftsman and worked his way up the ranks in a division of a major Pittsburgh corporation. He chose a job that allowed him to spend many hours each day at home with his family. And, he chose to spend his weekends volunteering to run his children’s activities, serving his city and his church, and carrying on his father’s tradition by creating works of art out of wood.

To my father, one’s investment choices reflect one’s values. He treasured family. He believed in neighborhood and community. He respected the creative process. Most of all, he was a futurist. No matter how distressing the news, or cruel the fates, my father could see the potential for good in a situation. With enough hard work and commitment, people can always make the world a better place. Sometimes, a helping hand or a just reward is all it takes for humankind to achieve its potential for good.

My father taught me many of the values that comprise my own philosophy of life. In the end, without family, community, love of and for others, and self-respect, money and possessions cannot fulfill our lives. His life may not have been the stuff of fairy tales, but he provided me with all of the will to dream and the desire to achieve them that I will ever need. Our stories require no magic lamps and leprechauns to grant us our wishes. We only need the will and the courage to make choices.

Role of the Church in an Intentional Community

My premise has been that America suffers under debilitating illusions and that our best solution is the creation of intentional communities seeking to disillusion themselves. These communities would model for others more just and loving ways for humans to live together. What role would the church play in such a community?

My answer involves the creation of a pizza, with the following ingredients:

  • recognition of ceremonies of human rites of passage common to most religious traditions (birth, mariage/union, death, coming of age, etc.);
  • celebration of an inclusive liturgy that honors the wisdom found in all religious traditions;
  • promotion of the principles that are the bedrock of our moral code, which again are generally common to most religious traditions;
  • education for all ages on spiritual practices and ways of understanding core elements of life and human relationships; and
  • empowerment of all citizens to pursue their unique ministries within the community.

All of these ingredients would be laid on a foundation that is noncreedal, yet open to the reverent language and imagery of all theologies. Therefore, this church will not require a belief in any supernatural being or forces, but will recognize that human knowledge is limited and that a commitment to a free and responsible search for truth and meaning is essential.

Briefly, what do each of these ingredients of our religious pizza entail?

Rites of Passage – Every child is a holy child; love between people is our core principle; aging, life transitions, and death are natural processes.

Inclusive Liturgy – All religions derive in part from a shared foundational wisdom worthy of celebration; our church would honor all messages of universal redemption and commitment to a higher ideal.

Moral Code – Nontheism; the existence or nonexistence of a god or gods is not relevant to the creation of loving and just principles for living; as children of all universes, we are imbued with the ability to define a moral code and to live by it.

Religious Education – Science may never explain all that exists, certainly not in ways that help us here and now to deal with life’s challenges; we can educate (not indoctrinate) people about the art of living and train them to use tools to cope and to aspire to greater consciousness.

Ministry – Ministry is not the task of professionally trained individuals alone; all of us have the capacity to minister to each other; each of us has gifts worth sharing that should be encouraged to blossom and grow.

Peter Morales, candidate for the Presidency of the Unitarian Universalist Association has a short video on YouTube. While I have no position at this time on the election, I was moved by a sentiment he expressed relative to the need for this denomination to grow. He said that we must feed the spiritually hungry and house the religiously homeless if we are to heal and transform the world. I could not agree more. Our church, and the church I propose, would reach out to all people of every cultural and religious background – theist, atheist, deist, polytheist, pantheist, etc. – in recognition and celebration of our shared beliefs in principles affirming love, justice, and unity with all existence.

"To snore, perchance to dream…"

On a (much) less serious note, let me add my (considerable) weight in support of the growing use in common parlance of the word ‘snarky.’ In the months-old tradition of the pizzatorium, snarky combines the tantalizing flavors of British and American slang, with a solid saucy foundation of meaning and auditory pleasure.

A “snarky” comment is critical in a sarcastic and cynical sort of way. Apparently, the adjective dates back to early 20th century British slang. According to one online dictionary, snarky comes from snark, meaning to nag, snore, or snort from the Dutch and Low German word snorken. To be honest, I don’t care about the origin – I just like the word. Snarky is one of those words that one does not really need to know in order to surmise its meaning from context. When someone says, “That was a really snarky thing to say,” you really get the picture without Webster’s help.

Some definitions I found included a tint of snottiness or arrogance to the meaning of snarky. I wholeheartedly concur, as this adds the anchovy to an already delightful slice. A snarky comment is not only sarcastically witty or cynical, but also best delivered with nose slightly tilted and eyes cast aside in a carelessly caustic manner.

I must admit, however, that too much snarkiness may not be a good thing. I am not nearly as fond of snarky’s cousins, sharkily, snarkier, sharkiest, or other variations. The way snarky slithers off the roof of your mouth, beginning the required nose curl in the process, and ends with the harsh finality of the exhaled breath that exposes the canines as if they were fangs, does not translate nearly as well to other applications. So, let’s do our best and keep snarky pure and unmodified for future generations to appreciate.

Illusions in America Today #4

I am fortunate to have a little earth mother friend in California who I love dearly. We are kindred spirits in vital ways, particularly regarding our passion for youth ministry. But, one issue separates us. She is vegan and I am an unrepentant carnivore.

I kid her about her diet, mainly because I am a wise guy and I tend to poke fun at people I care about. But to be honest, I respect her immensely. I also know that many of my dietary choices are not choices at all, but simply 50+ years of conditioning and bad habits. Discussing disillusions of America today, we must address our increasingly non-sustainable lifestyle and our hypocritical reverence for life.

The vegan issue recently arose in my church, followed by the strident and intemperate voices that always seem to surround the discourse. Like many other topics we Unitarian Universalists discuss, we often fail to allow people time to process the information, express their own points of view, and perhaps in time, come to agreement. Many people know far more about diet and nutrition than I do. But even the most ardent meat-eater must experience a twinge of angst at the industry surrounding the production of beef, chicken, pork, etc.

The cruelty of slaughterhouses and industrial farms does weigh heavy on my mind. I also recognize that the food I learned to eat as a child and to prepare as an adult is not the best diet for human health and well being. But, to me, to essential issue for Unitarian Universalists is life. If we affirm and promote respect for the interdependent web of all existence, then we must respect all life. That commitment calls on us to stop extinguishing billions of lives each year to sustain a diet that is not healthy or sustainable.

The answer is at least vegetarianism, and eventually a vegan lifestyle. I will be the first to admit, this choice will be hard for me. But, my little earth mother makes a mean vegan brownie and delicious cookies. So, maybe she can help me learn to like tofu and edamame beans on my pizza, too.

P.S. Right on the ball, my friend sent me this article from the January 27, 2008 New York Times, titled “Rethinking the Meat Guzzler.” I’m not moved by some of the arguments, but there are enough different approaches to the subject that I imagine any carnivore will experience some discomfort.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/27/weekinreview/27bittman.html?ex=1202101200&en=ae87f466b2f0f394&ei=5070&emc=eta1

Pizza Polytheism

Pizza in Pittsburgh resembles American politics. You can love Mineo’s and hate Vincent’s. You can love Vincent’s and hate Mineo’s. Or you can love one of the multitude of third party candidates who have no chance of ever getting more than a percent or two of the popular vote.

Personally ironic is that I love it as a metaphor, but am wholly monotheistic when it comes to pizza. I not only worship at the altar that is Mineo’s, but I am a zealous member of the thick crust double-cheese sect. In 30+ years of eating Mineo’s pizza, I am not sure if I have ever even tried any of their other varieties. I suppose one might consider my culinary tastes boring, if not downright dogmatic. I prefer to think of myself as pious (and no, I’m really not trying for an awful pun).

However, since I have adopted the pizzatorium as a reflective metaphor, I find myself straying ever so slightly from the fold. After all, I risk being hypocritical if I preach the value of diversity in pizza only to adhere to a rigid creed in my own dining.

So, at the invitation of a friend, I tried not only a different type of pizza, but a different brand – a double heresy. We went up the street from Mineo’s to Aiello’s and had a pizza with pepperoni, pineapple, and green pepper. This combination would have revolted me perhaps only a year ago. But, you can be surprised by the directions your spiritual quest can take you.

Now, I’ll have to admit that the meal was supplemented by several hours of delightful conversation, which always enhances digestion. That said, the pizza was not bad (it also helped that I had just worked out and was starving). They used canned pineapple, which I love, but not necessarily baked in a pizza. Otherwise the flavorful blend was tasty and spicy.

I suppose that I could now be tempted to engage in a global quest for pizza perfection. But, my pizzatorium is not about seeking out variety for the sake of variety. Frankly, the primary value of the experience was the invitation to try something new and sharing that communion with a friend. That is the real spirit of my muse kennel and pizzatorium.

Do you have a favorite pizza? If so, then the next time you feel inclined to partake, invite a friend to commune with you and experience it together. Perhaps the world is not ready for “Peace Through Pizza,” but I can imagine a broad ecumenically Epicurean approach to bridging the gaps between people and even societies.

A Pizzatorium Moment

I don’t get many opportunities to wear my kilt, and I could not pass up the chance of being the only Scottish zombie at this past weekend’s Pittsburgh Zombie Fest (actually one other young man also came in a kilt and I enjoyed commending him on our spanning the generations of kilt-wearers at the event). The highlight of my weekend occurred during the record-breaking zombie walk Sunday morning. I ran into a young couple dressed as Harry Potter and Hermione Granger. I was busy admiring their excellent costumes and neither of us recognized the other. But, then we realized…I am officiating at their wedding next month!

Of course, I realize the silliness of the whole thing (and I wholeheartedly support a little silliness in everyone’s life). But, even in the midst of this bizarre moment among 1,000 shambling undead, entered a ministerial opportunity. A true pizzatorium moment.

I believe that our lives are vectors traveling through space and time, bent and twisted by forces known and unknown in this vast universe. Sometimes, our paths cross in more than passing ways, offering us the opportunity for deep human interactions. These amazing instances of synchronicity are the house specialty of my pizzatorium. I do not ascribe supernatural or mystical origin to these coincidental conjunctures, nor do I ignore their potential for significance.

Wiener Dogs and Polka

Another favorite word of mine is “entendre.” A cousin of the pun, another low brow figure of speech, the entendre relies on innuendo (yet another cool word) as a way to to express oneself in a playfully risque manner. Now, appealing to my base sense of humor, while immensely gratifying, is not enough to warrant entry in the pizzatorium. Oh, no. Pizzas are all about combinations of tastes and textures. So, the truly effective double entendre must be couched within a framework of aburdity to merit attention.

We have a radio show here in Pittsburgh every Friday on Carnegie Mellon University’s station (WRCT). DJ Zombo, tends to play bizarre and silly music from all eras. A recent favorite is a song called the Wiener Dog Polka. Not only is this a “roll on the floor laughing” piece, loaded with double entendres, but it is performed by a group called Polkacide. Here is where the surreality steps up a notch.

Polkacide (the band’s logo is a skull and crossed kielbasas) was originally organized to play a one-night stand for the Deaf Club in San Francisco in 1985. The Deaf Club (an actual club for deaf people) had been hiring punk bands to perform. When it was suggested that some did not want a punk band, founder Ward Abronski, along with his long term girlfriend and Polkacide’s first drummer, formed a “really loud polka band” to play. When the gig was cancelled (ironically for noise abatement), Ward realized it was too good of an idea with too many great musicians, to let it die. I love synchronicity.

The challenge, of course, for a minister, especially a somewhat irreverent reverend. Is to find some “appropriate” way to insert such wonderful snippets of human creativity into a sermon. I find such reflections entertaining, as well as challenging. And, no, doing a “Humor in Religion” service doesn’t count. That is low hanging fruit.

I have yet to think of a good spot for this little tidbit, yet. But, I firmly believe that every dog has its day (so to speak), so the opportunity will arise sometime. That is one way to get people to read their church newsletters.

Guilty Pleasures

As you know from the title of this erudite journal, pizza is one of my guilty pleasures. You’ve seen that bumper sticker that says, “A bad day of fishing is better than a good day at work.” Well, for me, even a bad pizza is better than good food that is healthy and nutritious. Well, not always, but work with me here.

Anyway, I have an idea for a book that I offer up to anyone who wants to run with it. Just send me an autographed copy or two when it hits the New York Times bestseller list. The title would be simply “Guilty Pleasures,” and it would consist of an encyclopedic collection of the guilty pleasures of famous people throughout history. I know I would read it.

Now, we have to be careful about our definitions. A pleasure isn’t truly guilty unless it is really bad or potentially harmful for you. So, no altruistic pursuits and no quaint but harmless hobbies. Wouldn’t it be awesome to learn that Michaelangelo had tattoos and body piercings; or that Lincoln loved to skinny dip in the Potomac River; or that Confucius slipped risque limericks into the Analects? Of course, the Roman Emperors would have an entire chapter.

None of us are saints. Given that we are human, we will make mistakes and we will engage in behaviors that are risky, possibly harmful, and even potentially dangerous. I think the point is that, since we must engage in these behaviors by our nature, then we should do so with intent and in a way that maximizes our own pleasure and the pleasure of those people important to us. So, when you engage in your guilty pleasure, be creative about it and do it shamelessly. Drink responsibly, laugh heartily, and love relentlessly. Never be ashamed about your passion.

My muse

So, I have this muse. I have not named it. Nor do I have any cute depictions of its appearance. I only know that it is untamed, and perhaps untamable. But, sometimes, it appears when I least expect and I find myself fumbling for paper and pencil in the dark of my bedroom, or up at 3:00 a.m. typing on a keyboard.

My goal is not really to control my muse, as I sense that to be a fool’s errand. I would, however, appreciate it if my muse kept more regular hours. Nonetheless, I love my muse and wish to keep it happy and well fed.

In part, that is one reason for this blog. You see, I believe that a well-fed muse is a happy muse. And a happy muse keeps churning out new ideas and inspirations, which is a must for a minister.

Why a pizzatorium? Well, pizzeria, pizza parlor, and pizza palace are all rather common names. Pizzatorium possesses just that hint of authority – sort of like calling a podium a pulpit. And, given the choice of only one type of food on a desert island (or however else you would like to phrase the question), I would choose pizza (specifically Mineo’s Pizza, from here in Pittsburgh).

So, if you have a muse that keeps you up all hours, despair not. Like teenagers, it is their job to push your buttons and challenge your paradigms. Embrace your muse.

And feed it regularly.